Ever since the October 7th massacre, there has been an uptick in the number of non-Jews who want to become Jewish. And yes — it is possible to ‘become’ Jewish. However this is not the norm because of the following:
Judaism does not believe that a non-Jew needs to become a Jew in order to be a good person or fulfill their life purpose.
The practical aspects of conversion can be daunting.
Society at large erroneously thinks that Jews are a race of people and for those who aren’t familiar with it, the Jewish culture can be hard to fully adopt.
First things first. Read and research about what Judaism is all about. I highly suggest getting the book What Is a Jew? by Rabbi Kertzer The next step is to go out and begin to get to know the Jewish community – in person. This is a very important point. There are quite a few rabbis out there that advertise that you can convert online — living remotely from a Jewish community. This is ridiculous. Being Jewish is more than just believing a set of principles. Even in the most liberal Jewish denominations, there is an importance put on the community. You are joining a peoplehood – which is pretty difficult to do without a ‘people’
Attending A Synagogue (or ‘Shul’ or ‘Temple’)
Another early step should be visiting a synagogue — preferably more than one even. You may wonder what is the difference between a synagogue, shul or temple. Well, they are all places that Jews gather for religious services. ‘Synagogue’ is a word rooted in Greek, and is a pretty widespread way to differentiate a Jewish house of worship from that of other faiths. ‘Shul’ is a Yiddish word that is loosely connected to the English word “school” — putting emphasis on the learning/educational aspect of being Jewish as a means of piety as well. ‘Temple’ is also seen as a widely accepted way to designate a Jewish house of worship; with the exception of Orthodox congregations. Most Orthodox congregations (but not all), refrain from calling their synagogue a temple because they pray that the 3rd Temple will be built again in Jerusalem during the messianic age.
I throw in two others into the mix here as well: 1) Chabad Houses and 2) Havurah groups (havurot). A Chabad house is a place (sometimes, quite literally a Chabad rabbi’s house) where services are conducted by a Chabad rabbi. What is Chabad? Well click here for more about that; but basically it is a branch of Chassidic Jews that puts an emphasis on outreach to non-religious Jews. There are exceptions, but generally Chabad is not a good place for a person seeking to convert to Judaism to start. Next there are Havurah groups — which are basically collectives of Jewish individuals that meet for services and socializing. These groups are often very open and led by dynamic leaders — but they aren’t always affiliated with a particular denomination. Some may even be messianic (and Messianic ‘Judaism’ is not Judaism). So again, if someone is looking to become Jewish, a havurah can be a start — but often won’t be enough.
When going to a synagogue for the first time, fully expect to be overwhelmed. Most services will contain some English (even Orthodox ones) — but it can range from 5% to 90%. Even Reform services will have some Hebrew. There is a physical choreography to the service. Sometimes you sit, sometimes you stand, sometimes you bow. Don’t worry about following along at first. No one will expect you to know what to do at first. Sit toward the back and just observe.
In the synagogue it is expected that every worshipper will have a siddur. The siddur is not a Bible. It is the prayer service from start to finish. Do not let its size scare you — you do not go through the entire book in one service; because there are special services for certain days and occasions that are also included. They will often announce what page of the siddur they are on throughout the service. Also note that the siddur opens backwards. In Hebrew, the language is read from right to left, not from left to right like in English. So Hebrew books open in the reverse – with the opening of the book to the left. That means that ‘Page 1’ is towards the back of the book. At first it is confusing — but you get used to it, trust me!
The basics are that the rolled parchment scrolls are the Torah. At first the scrolls are housed in a cabinet or closet or container of some sort. When they take the scrolls out, the custom is to stand out of respect. People are called up to the scroll when it is read and will recite blessings in Hebrew. Don’t worry — it isn’t common to call up a new person to do this. Even so, they will ask you first and you can decline — they won’t be offended.
If you are at an Orthodox synagogue, please note that men and women sit in different parts of the synagogue. The physical layout of how this is done varies — but if there is a balcony, that is an area that is always for the women. In an Orthodox synagogue, women are not called up to bless the Torah scroll reading or to execute any of the rituals done throughout the service.
Finding a Rabbi
The next step can be difficult. Every rabbi does not do conversions. However, in some movements/communities, the information is readily available to let you know who does. For example, the Reform movements provides a list of classes that are available in their communities. Below are the links to rabbis for conversion for the some of the other movements:
Now, I will address head on a myth which many (too many) people proliferate, and that is: a rabbi will turn a prospective convert away three times.This is not true.
Here is what the laws of Judaism actually say:
โso too when someone comes to you for the purpose of conversion and whose motivation is for the sake of Heaven, you should bring the person closer and not turn him away.โย The Midrash concludes, consistent with the previously cited Midrashic passage (from Rus Rabbah), by noting ืืืืื ืืชื ืืืื ืฉืืื ืืื ืืืื ืืฉืืื ืืืงืจื ืืืืื โ that โfrom here we learn that a person should reject with his left hand and bring near with his right hand.โ
Yalkut Shimoni (Yisro 268)
So what this means is that a rabbi should give some discouragement, but if the convert persists, then no other obstacles should be presented. However, in reality, rabbis receive a lot of inquires from people who want to convert to Judaism. And these inquiries run the gamut. So by declining to work with a candidate, it’s a quick way to weed out the quality from the muck. Sadly, some sensitive and sincere candidates are also pushed away.
If you are serious about converting, it may behoove you to do some investigative inquiry to others in the community. Ask around about which rabbis help converts and which ones do not. Also ask, if possible, if you can be connected to others who have first-hand experience with conversion to Judaism in the area (note: this can often be other converts, but not always!)
Learning and Waiting
The path to conversion is not the same for every person. In some cases, the requirements are clear. In other instances, it is very cryptic. I’ll add some anecdotal experience here and say that for my conversion, the process took more than 6 years! Don’t let that scare you though. I had some mitigating circumstances (although in my humble opinion, these all could/should have been addressed and cleared by those involved in my process, but I digress).
So follow your own rabbi in regards with how to progress and finish your conversion. But also understand this: you will not learn all you need to know by your conversion date!
One of the most counter-productive things to do is to strive to learn all you can as a conversion candidate to try to ‘level up’ to be like a born Jew. The truth is, there are born Jews who know less than you do. I remember being invited to the home of a multi-generational Jewish family. We were all women — but from the Grandmother all the way down to the Granddaughter. They asked that I do kiddush. I did — being bashful of my elementary-level Hebrew reading skills. Afterward they all marveled at how I was able to read Hebrew so much better than any of them could.
Just as important as the learning is also your spiritual and psychological growth. It takes time to start to see yourself as a Jew. You need to redevelop your relationship with the divine.
Won’t You Be My Neighbor?
This section may mostly apply to those who are looking to convert via Orthodox auspices to Judaism — but not always. As a convert, you may need to relocate to find your ideal community.
As a convert, you will often been one of the most dedicated and learned people in the congregation. Sometimes this is fine. But many times you’ll seek out a full compliment of Jewish life. Even if you are not Orthodox, you may feel compelled to send your children to Jewish day schools. You may want to live within close proximity to a mikvah. You may want the option of having a meal out at a kosher restaurant. You may want to join a JCC. In order to have access to all of these things, you’ll need to live within, or nearby, an established Jewish community.
Also we shouldn’t ignore the very real concern of anti-Semitism. While a convert may not ‘look’ like other Jews (whatever that means), once you start to affiliate and live as a Jew, then you will become a target of antisemitism. While it won’t shield you from it, living in a Jewish community will help to provide support and resources to help you deal with it.
Connection
Before, during and after conversion, the ability to connect informally with others who are understanding what you are going through is very important. When I was going through the process, online forums and listservs were the popular tools to use to do this. Today there are Facebook groups, YouTube channels and Reddit forums. I’ll link the Reddit forum below:
And if you don’t have the patience to read through this post, I highly suggest this video by BimBam. It is excellent. In fact YouTube is chock full of videos an a wide variety of topics to get you started:
